BDSM Isn’t Dangerous, But Being a Fucking Idiot Is

A study, published three months ago in theInternational Journal of Legal Medicine, looked into potential dangers of BDSM. After scouring all the available literature, researchers found examples of 14 case reports of accidental death (people aged between 23 and 49 years) associated with BDSM play. They took place between 1986 and 2020. 

The study concluded that “fatal outcomes in BDSM play seems to be very rare”. In the fraction of cases (when you consider the wider context of how many people like to indulge in this) when it did occur, there were two other factors that correlated: the “usage of drugs and alcohol” and a “lack of knowledge in BDSM activities”. So BDSM isn’t dangerous in itself, the vast majority of practitioners use safeguards effectively and avoid potential harms, but being a fucking idiot is. 

The most common cause of death that the researchers foundin the course of erotic asphyxiation was strangulation.To learn more, I spoke to a friend named Pussy Willow. They describe themselves as “a professional pervert for 12 years” who “specialises in lots of eroticasphyxiation during wrestling and many forms of sex work”. I told them about the study. 

“Choking is considered ‘edge play’ [activity that could potentially involve the risk of physical harm] which is considered super dangerous,” they told me. “You basically need to be very fucking careful. The problem is that it's something that's quite commonly seen as almost like a beginner thing in kink, perhaps because of porn.” 

“In my escort work I’ve had people trying to grab my neck for a little choke without thinking about it being a big deal. That's a lot to do with how sex media is consumed and available and normalised. But giving someone a choke is very different to giving someone a little spank. I'm all for people doing all sorts of filthy, filthy things and I'm also quite a fan of choking – it's a power thing – but it has to be as safe as possible.”

Willow encourages individuals and couples to seek the services of professionals if they want to learn the best way to dip their toe into the world of edge play. But what do they teach them about the practicalities? “If people are interested in it, bloody lovely – I hope you enjoy your continued exploration into perversion,” they explain. “But like with anything dangerous, you need to do the research first and go steady.” 

“Don’t just do it with a random partner, you need communication and trust. Build up, but don’t build up too much. One thing I teach people on the wrestling side of things is younever, ever crush the front of the throat. Always just [apply pressure to] thecarotid arteries on the side. 

“When I'm doing any sort of restriction on the carotidarteries, I make sure that we have safe words in place and if their mouth is covered we have a safe gesture.” Such as? “Like a tap, ‘tap, tap’, or I have them hold my leg and squeeze it. Or they’ll be holding something which they’ll drop [to signify the immediate discontinuation of the scene].”

Any other advice? “You don't put the full pressure on straight away,” Willow warns. “You bring it on slowly. Stop. Look them in the eyes. Check in. Go a bit further, stop, look them in the eyes, check in.” 

They believe that because of porn choking has become part of the standardised sexual landscape. This does come with some danger. “The potential problems come when people are doing it and they don't know it well,” they said, “and also when people are using it as a cover for abusive behaviour, like a get out of jail free card.” (It is true that a tiny minority of abusive men try and use BDSM as a guise for murdering their partners; it’s called the ‘rough sex defence’ and this recent book covers it well.)

So if you’re interested in edge play, minimise the potential harms. That means research, research, research (ideally enlisting the services of a professional BDSM practitioner), doing it sober, communicating to the extreme and putting the required safety measures in place. 

By Simon Doherty