A Guide to Being a Newbie

Throughout this series, we are asking our community to help make us smarter. All questions provided by you and for you.

Newbie: My name's Kyle and I'm new to the scene.

What does fetish/BDSM mean for you?

Newbie: For me, fetish and BDSM is a means of release, a space for acceptance.

Was it easy to bring your fetishes into your relationships?

Newbie: Not initially. I wasn't sure whether they came from a good mental health space.

How important is BDSM in your life?

Newbie: I think, for what it means to me, the people in the fetish scene are super respectful, and understanding and accepting. That should just be a given in any life, whether you're interested or not.

How does kink and fetish affect your mental health?

Newbie: I think, and I'm probably not on my own in saying, that most of the time it's very therapeutic and it can be a really good form of release.

Are you a Sub or a Dom?

Newbie: I've been told I'm a service top. I'm probably neither.

When you choose your partner, how important is the BDSM/fetish aspect of your relationship?

Newbie: I think that it's a big part of my life, even though I'm relatively new to the BDSM scene. Having that understanding is very important and the open-mindedness.

Did you feel intimidated by people in the scene before you started playing with others?

Newbie: I think there's a welcome anxiety of doing anything new. It was there, but people are people.

How does being in the BDSM scene affect you in your day to day life?

Newbie: In my daily life, there's not too many people that understand it. It kind of becomes suppressed for the most part until I'm with friends who understand.

How do you find a healthy relationship with the complexity of BDSM involvement?

Newbie: If you look at BDSM as just being another interest, whether it's a sport you like, or a type of activity, then it's no different from any normal - I don't like the term vanilla - but any other relationship.

Were you afraid of being rejected by society/family because you entered the BDSM scene?

Newbie: I'm very lucky with my family. They kind of give unconditional love. I know it's not the same for everybody. And society can just do what they want, but family, I'm lucky that I have them.

How did you find your kink?

Newbie: I knew I was into kink from an early age. As a child putting things up my bum knowing it feels nice. And it kind of worked into bigger toys, like dildos, fists and stuff.

Any advice to those who are too afraid to enter the scene?

Newbie: You're good enough. Don't beat yourself up. Take your time. The right opportunity will come about, if you let it.