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luglio 27, 2021 4 min read

Throughout this series, we are asking everyone in our community to help make us smarter. All questions provided by you and for you.

Hello. My name is Ayo and I am a pervert.

Do you think there is anything wrong with being a pervert?

Pervert: I don't think that there's anything wrong with that, being a pervert, or I think it's in all of us to varying degrees. Some people know how to express it and some people keep it bottled up. But I think it's amazing.

What is your advice for people attending a fetish party for the first time?

Pervert: I think if you're attending the fetish party for the first time, just do your research. I think that's so important. Find out what it is, what the dress code is, and find out the rules of actually being there, what you can touch, who you can touch, who you can speak to about consent. And just bring yourself, just bring your personality to the place and everyone will be happy.

When it comes to kink, how do I know what I'm into?

Pervert: It takes a while. It takes a while to find out. For me, it's changing, it's quite fluid. You can be into spit play one week and then you could be into piss play the next; it differs. But the best way is just to carry on exploring, carry on researching, carry on playing with people. And then you're carrying on building this spider web of all your kinks. And it's amazing.

Pervert Verboten

What is different in sex-positive spaces?

Pervert:I think one of the major differences is the safety element in sex-positive places, is people, generally. Most people are there for the same kind of thing, wanting to express themselves in a safe sexual positive space. And people generally know the rules and then everyone polices each other. Then things like sexual harassment are just very rare occurrences. Unlike when you go to general other nightclubs where they might preach about it, but you know, there's dickheads, there's just awful people. They're just trying to prey on people. But in these safer spaces if I see anyone overstepping the mark, then I can tell them off, and I can go and speak to a play space monitor to get them chucked out. So, it definitely feels a lot safer.

What surprised you the most in those spaces?

Pervert: What surprised me is definitely the ability to feel free. The ability that I could be naked, me and my partner could be naked, just doing stuff and you don't feel as if people are going to do harm to you. You definitely feel that there's a certain level of organisation and safety in there where you are able to explore. And that just feels magical. One of the best things was when I was first in the space, I felt like home.

Do I have to play or have sex at a fetish party?

Pervert: You really don't have to play. You don't have to play at all, you don't have to have sex. And places like KV, where the music is just brilliant, they get some of the best DJs in, and there's some parties I just dance. I just dance and dance and dance until I have to sweat it through all my latex. But then even if you do go into the play spaces, you don't have to play, you don't actually have to have sex. You can participate in other things like impact play or spanking or you could pass some time in pet play. You don't actually have to have any sexual experiences there.

Do I need to fit a certain prototype?

Pervert: You really don't. Obviously, I have the prototype of being male and such, but I don't see that many people that don't look like me in these spaces. If you're plus size, if you're black, Asian, trans, queer, these spaces are for everyone. It’s for everyone to explore, and that's the main thing. Yes, you could be that person with tattoos and stuff, but just bring your body and you'll be accepted.

How do I get involved in a playroom?

Pervert: My best advice would be to turn up early. Turn up early, start talking to people, just start talking to people about the weather, and then you can start talking about what you're into, what kind of kinks you're looking to explore. And you can definitely find people who want to play with you. If not that, you get the best trained play space monitors and staff at KV, so you can speak to them and they can also help facilitate what kind of play you want to engage with. So definitely get there, and communication, and communication, and just talking about consent. Those are the easiest things to do.

What shall I wear at my first kink event? 

Pervert: What you need to wear. Just bring yourself. But for me in my first ever party that I went to, I just got some cheap PVC socks and a harness. And I felt like I was underdressed. Before going I felt like I wouldn't fit in, but I turned up and you realise people are in varying degrees. Some people are really dressed up to the nines in all different kinds of costumes. Some people are naked. So really don't let that stop you, just do a bit of research online, go on their Instagram, go on their website and get an idea, a rough guide. But you don't have to look exactly like them, just be comfortable in what you're wearing.